


the mirror that stares back

by gelatte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 6th year, Angst, Character Study, Crying, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Draco Malfoy, That bathroom scene from 6th year, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelatte/pseuds/gelatte
Summary: Draco stares back at the reality he's become through the cracked, grimy mirror; hoping that it'll change.It never wavers.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	the mirror that stares back

His reflection stares back at him, unwavering.  
  
He wonders how he got into this situation; and whether it was worth it.  
  
The feelings of inadequacy, the guilt, terror and dread that came with each passing day; the thrumming, gentle lullaby of death crawls up his spine.  
  
Stormy, dull grey eyes blink back at him.  
  
It takes Draco a few moments to fully register that the young man staring back at him, was _him._ Disheveled platinum blonde hair, strands stuck out at odd angles; a result of being slicked back too quickly and without care. Chapped lips and sickly, too pale, grey tinged skin made the dark puffy circles blossoming under his eyes pop out. It was so... unlike him. So unlike _Draco_ to be such a disgusting, slob of a mess. He was- still _is_ \- someone who held himself to his image. His image made him who he was. It was how he was brought up; how young, respectable heirs were brought up.   
  
How did it turn out like this?  
  
How did _he_ turn out like this?  
  
Long, pale fingers clutch the sink basin; knuckles turning white from pressure. Draco forces himself to tear his gaze away from the mirror, away from the disgrace of a Malfoy he has become. _So much for honouring my father and the family name by serving the Dark Lord,_ He thought to himself bitterly. _Bet Potter would be having a fucking field day with this. 'Oh_ look _everyone! Malfoy's crumbling, he can't do it anymore! He can't continue to do this anymore, despite being so close! He can't take a little bit of pain, he can't take a little bit of torture, he can't_ fucking do it _! What a_ loser _, what a disgrace. What a fucking_ failure _!_ Draco squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the familiar sting of tears burning his eyes, biting his lip raw. Anything to stop the tears. Anything to not cry anymore. Anything to not become more of a pathetic loser. Anything. Anything. _Anything._  
  
The voices of those he loved echoed through his mind; torturing him with words that were never spoken, words that meant nothing, words that he should be strong enough to _banish_. They all tell him how much he's failed them, how much he's failed himself, how displeased the Dark Lord will be once he finds out that Draco Malfoy can't do it. That Draco Malfoy is breaking under the pressure. How Draco Malfoy is going to lose his entire family because he's not good enough. He's not strong enough. His soul, his heart, his mind aren't strong enough. The scars that lined his wrist spoke louder than his words ever will.  
  
Anxiety gently thrums through his blood stream, heart pounding.  
  
His shoulders slump. A sign of defeat.  
  
Draco hunches in on himself, shifting his weight against the counter; one last febal attempt to keep himself together. One last fight before he feels the pin drop. Before he breaks.  
  
He lets out a shaky sigh, eyes blinking open; tears ready to fall.  
  
He stares back at the reality he's become through the cracked, grimy mirror; hoping that it'll change.  
  
It never wavers.  


**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write angst for Draco. that's my only excuse  
> might write some angst drarry in the future who knows xd
> 
> thanks for reading :-)!


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